Expectations at the Wedding Banquet

As I sat at home this past winter break flipping through onDemand movie options, I was pleasantly surprised to find “Wedding Banquet,” a film featuring Asian themes and Asian faces. I selected the movie, intent on understanding the Mandarin portions without using subtitles, and got off the couch two hours later having enjoyed the storyline and integration of modern American and traditional Taiwanese culture.

The second time around, I persuaded a friend to join me in viewing “Wedding Banquet” and ensured him that it wouldn’t be a sad movie. I answered honestly—my recollection was that Wai-Tung, Wei Wei and Simon’s narrative was a more humorous one, with funny very-“Chinese” scenarios interspersed throughout. But this time, watching the younger generation of characters selfishly fool Wai-Tung’s parents (basically, the entirety of the movie) was actually very painful. I felt bad for Wai-Tung, too, subject to strict traditional expectations of filial piety, and unable to find acceptance from his very own parents. I felt sorry for Wei Wei, who desired an ideal American family life complete with handsome Chinese husband and child, and for Simon, who was cut off by language barriers, a cultural outsider.

The whole faux-wedding fiasco was incited by Wai-Tung’s desire to fulfill his parent’s wishes while secretly maintaining his own “Americanized” lifestyle, as well as Wei Wei’s need for a greencard. Wai-Tung’s conflict reminded me of a piece in Screaming Monkeys—“She Casts off Expectations” by Phoebe Eng. Eng tells a story of her Taiwanese mother’s best friend, who died after her children chose lifestyles that defied Chinese expectations, commenting: “That is how deep expectations run. Don't live up to them and you run the risk of your parents going mad and dying of disappointment and shame.” (Eng 170) It’s hard not to see how very important a grandson and heterosexual wedding are to Wai-Tung’s parents, who look as if they might die during the City Hall marriage ceremony. I sat horrified just imagining how they might feel at that moment.

Eng’s conclusion is that Asian children are not really respecting parents by forgoing their own wishes to match tradition or expectations. It is the realization of a son or daughter’s own, potentially modern desires that really pushes a family forward, since all parents really want is for their children to be content. Parents’ “wishes” are merely guidelines they perceive to be instrumental in achieving happiness. The final exchange between Mr. Gao and Simon, in which Mr. Gao acknowledges Simon’s romantic relationship with his son, illustrates the point well (though he does still desire a grandson). Honest communication and expressions of self may be key to the parent-child bond, even amid constructs of what is socially expected or hoped-for. Preservation of tradition doesn’t mean much if it causes resentment and denial of identity. Ang Lee, through “Wedding Banquet,” ended up conveying this basic idea.

Response: Wedding Banquet

I sense that I am beginning to sound like a broken record, but (yet again) I both enjoyed and was troubled by this film. I enjoyed it because, like many other bloggers so far, I felt it was relatively progressive in its depiction of gay relationships, especially for its time period. Simon and Wai Tung's relationship is portrayed as tender and loving, and Wai Tung's mother's outbursts about Wai Tung's not being "normal" come off as ridiculous and misguided (rightly so). By taking on this subject matter, there is of course the danger of portraying Asian people as being backward in their views on homosexuality, but I think Ang Lee did a reasonably good job of tempering the mom's hysterics with the father's quiet acceptance and the mom's eventual begrudging tolerance if not whole-hearted approval.

I was disappointed, however, that Wai Tung's father decided not to mention that he knew Wai Tung was gay to any other members of the family, not even to Wai Tung. What use was there in lying to his son? While I can understand not wanting to upset his wife, in the end I think not coming clean with Wai Tung was akin to building a wall between them that did not need to be there. Had the father spoken to Wai Tung when his suspicions were first aroused, he could have saved everyone some pain and they could have all avoided a good deal of trauma in their relationships. Yet he doesn't choose to confide in Wai Tung, even at the film's conclusion, and so the secrets and lies that keep the family from being as close as they could be and that hearken back to the Western stereotype of the Asian as cunning trickster remain. Moreover, although everyone ends up happy in the end, I was frustrated that so much of this happiness was dependent on Wei Wei's deciding to have the baby. Although Wai Tung's father seems to accept Simon and Wai Tung's relationship, he admits at one point that he continued to lie because he wanted a grandchild. In other words, it wasn't enough for him that his son was happy. Because he wouldn't be satisfied unless he had an heir, Wai Tung's father propagates the view that Asian people are bigoted and somehow not "modern." Finally, I wished Wai Tung could have been more assertive about his identity and his desires throughout the movie. Even if guilt prevented him from being honest with his parents, he should not have cheated on Simon with Wei Wei. In my mind his actions reinforced the stereotype of the meek Asian man and (at least in my mind) lost him a lot of respect.

As such, while I think this film had many good points, in the end I don't think it went far enough and ended up propagating many of the stereotypes it aimed to attack.

The Wedding Banquet Response

After watching Wedding Banquet, I thought the most interesting aspect of the movie was the concept of lying and keeping secrets. At first, Wai Tung, Wei Wei, and Simon keep the secret about Wai Tung and Wei Wei’s marriage when Wai Tung’s parents come for the wedding. There are scenes in the film where they totally redo the interior of Wai Tung and Simon’s house as they replace pictures, remove books, unroll scrolls of Wai Tung’s father’s calligraphy, and rush around to make the house appear more Taiwanese in Wai Tung’s efforts to appear the obedient son his parents wish him to be. This is a group effort, as Wai Tung, Wei Wei, and Simon all participate in this act of lying. Later, when Wai Tung’s mother finds out about Wai Tung’s sexuality, she insists that nobody reveal this secret to his father, as she fears it will kill him. Another secret in the film is when Wei Wei contemplates getting an abortion, as Wai Tung tells his mother they are going to go shopping when they are actually leaving to go to the abortion clinic. The viewer finds the tables are turned when Simon discovers that Wai Tung’s father has known about Wai Tung’s sexuality for a while. However, Wai Tung’s father tells Simon to not tell anybody that he is aware of Wai Tung’s sexuality, thus adding onto the many secrets the family keeps from each other. In the end, I thought it was very interesting that the sole person who knows all of the secrets of the Gao family (from the marriage to the abortion to Wai Tung’s father’s knowledge of Wai Tung’s sexuality) was Simon, the only person who is not truly part of the family. It is perhaps through this omniscient role that Simon is able to take his place in the Gao family.

Another interesting spot in the movie I wanted to point out was when, after hearing a white person at the wedding banquet say that he thought the Chinese were “quiet math whizzes,” a Chinese guest points out, “You’re witnessing the result of 5000 years of sexual repression.” I found this statement to be vital to the movie, as it shows the simultaneous liberation of heterosexuality and the repression of homosexuality through the wedding banquet. In essence, the viewer is witness to both of these events, as Wai Tung is forced into taking on a heterosexual role and is expected to be free with his affections towards Wei Wei (the guests insist that Wai Tung’s peck on the cheek is not good enough for a kiss). At the same time, Simon is unable to do anything but watch as the crowd eggs the heterosexual couple on. This statement emphasizes the tensions felt by Wai Tung in being both Taiwanese and homosexual, as it shows that these two aspects of his self are historically portrayed as incompatible.

The Wedding Banquet: A Glimpse Into the Hypocrisy of Asian Societies

While watching Wedding Banquet, I was rather peeved over how Asian societies generally view homosexuality. The dramatic wedding ceremony was quite indicative of how tradition and patriarchy are emphasized and reminded me of how the heterosexuality of an individual is never questioned since it is supposed to be an Asian societal norm. Inherent hypocrisy within Asian communities exists in regard to homosexuals: on one hand Asian societies as a whole have been reluctantly open to the queer community, yet whenever a family member or sibling is "discovered" as a homosexual, the subject becomes taboo and the individual is negatively viewed and immoral. Wai-Tung's need to hide his sexual orientation from his family is a prominent example of what many Asians and Asian Americans continue to practice when around family members.

An example that comes to mind occurs within Thai society. I have seen firsthand how people labeled as "ladyboys", those who either undergo a sex change or dress and alter their body in the shape of a woman, are generally accepted in the country. However, at the same time there are many stories of closeted homosexual Thai men in their mid and late 20s to early 30s who are pressured to marry but continue to keep the facade of heterosexuality when in front of their parents. When around friends, however, they can openly identify as queer. The fear of "coming out" is clearly expressed through the character of Wai-Tung in the film and representative of closeted Asian and Asian American homosexuals. The continued reluctance to accept homosexuality is prevalent in many societies, particularly those that emphasize patriarchy and the need to produce male offspring.

Nevertheless, there has been somewhat of a shift towards accepting, albeit reluctantly, a more open perspective in regard to homosexuality. Wai-Tung's father and Simon's conversation near the waterfront clearly presents the fact that the older generations do comprehend the situation, regardless of their personal feelings on the subject. I believe that in this case, the importance of family in Asian society trumps all other prejudices or societal standards. While the selfishness of Wai-Tung's father is certainly arguable, he does seem to value family and the continuation of family. I wish Ang Lee would have continued following the parents onto the plane since I can easily imagine Wai-Tung's father disclosing all he knows to Wai-Tung's mother. As Wai-Tung's situation becomes gradually transparent to each character in the movie, it is only fitting that the parents would eventually discuss Wai-Tung together. How else will they kill the time on the airplane?

Response to The Wedding Banquet

The Wedding Banquet raises several interesting questions regarding transnationalism, assimilation, diaspora, family, and of course masculinity/homosexuality. 
 
Wai-Tung, the queer and disaporic protagonist, is reconnected to his native Taiwan through a family reunion. His parents serve as the string that ties his American life style to his Taiwanese roots, thereby making him a transnational figure. In this process of becoming transnational, cultural differences regarding family and sexuality are negotiated. However, Wai-Tung attempts to forgo this negotiation process by putting up a fake marriage, so he would lead his parents to believe that he has retained the Taiwanese concept of family: a heterosexual relationship that reproduces to prolong the family name. To Wai-Tung's father, marriage and reproduction of children is a duty to the family, as he explains on the first day of his brief trip.
 
In one of the most interesting parts of the movie, Wai-Tung confesses to his mother that he is gay and that the marriage is a fraud. His stunned mother asks him, "Did Simon lead you astray?...Nonsense! You had girlfriends in college." That question seems to imply that such concept or existence of homosexuality does not exist within the Taiwanese culture, and Wai-Tung has adopted homosexuality as his when he arrived in the United States. As Wai-Tung argues, he was born gay yet it seems like the act of coming out did not take place until later in his life. Does this mean that the act of acknowledging one's homosexuality is part of assimilating to the American culture? What happens to Asian masculinity when men settle down in this country?
 
I think Wai-Tung's parents are uncomfortable with the homosexual relationship because they are afraid that the Gao line will end, as his son will be unable to biologically reproduce with Simon. Also, it seems like they believe that Wai-Tung loses his sense of masculinity because he cannot be a patriarch like his father. How can he be a patriarch if he cannot have children? But the presence of Wei-Wei in this situation facilitates the cultural negotiation--her pregnancy solves the problem of prolonging the family name, and her status as a tenant (in comparison to Wai-Tung's status as the landowner) confirms Wai-Tung's ability to be somewhat domineering like a patriarch. With Wei-Wei, Wai-Tung is very assertive, especially in the first scenes of the movie when he goes to collect the rent money. 
 
Although Wei-Wei uses Wai-Tung to obtain the green card, it also appears that she is being used a lot more to the advantage of the Gao family. At first she is used to mask Wai-Tung's homosexuality and then used as a surrogate mother and a mother. For whom is she having the baby? For Wai-Tung's parents? For Simon and Wai-Tung? For herself? Despite she is supposed to be a tough, female artist, Wei-Wei ultimately becomes a nobody but someone who produces a baby. 

AIDS: The Uninvited Guest at the Banquet

I was interested in the subtle presence of AIDS in the film. When we first see Simon, he is wearing a Keith Haring t-shirt underneath his white lab coat. Haring, who died of AIDS in 1990 (three years before Wedding Banquet’s release in the US), used his art, money, and time to increase awareness of the disease in both the gay and straight communities. Later in the film, we see that Simon’s choice of garb is more than a fashion statement: it signals that he, too, is an AIDS activist. In one scene, Simon is outdoors sharing info with others as he works at a small table that is draped with a cloth that reads “Silence = Death.” And, finally, when Simon learns that Wai-Tung has inadvertently fathered a child with Wei-wei, his anger is first directed at the fact that Wai-Tung engaged in unsafe sex.

In part Simon’s interests serve to further align him as the “feminine” half of the couple. Simon tends to the domestic front, cooks, and does charitable work in the community. In contrast Wai Tung conforms to the stereotypical “male” role of being consumed with his work and money-making. So, this relationship, despite its alternative sexual dimension, appears to be structured along very conventional, heterosexual norms.

As for Wei-wei, avant-garde artists’ lifestyles have frequently been associated with challenges to the dominant social order. Women artists in particular were seen as deviant because their creative energies were channeled away from baby-making into the “selfish” pursuit of individual expression. Thus, they were castigated as being loose or somehow degraded women.
This was also a time when fear of the foreign body (particularly the Haitian body) as carrier of disease increased.

This forms an interesting undercurrent to what Mark Chiang observes is the re-constitution of the potentially subversive expressions of gender identities into a new patriarchal order. Can the formation of what Chiang calls this new “multicultural, non-heterosexual family” be seen as a symbolic containment of the “promiscuous” gay and artistic lifestyles—lifestyles closely associated with AIDS in the 1980s—and thus containment of the disease through restoration of traditional nuclear family values?